Podcast #1: "Mindful fury and the Alchemy of Anger"
This Sage Sistas Podcast plunges into the fiery depths of anger, unraveling its profound impact on our lives. Hosts Samira, Lylah, and Alissa navigate the intricate dance between astrological influences and our emotional landscapes, revealing how anger can serve as a catalyst for profound personal transformation and growth.
Through a lens of vulnerability and insight, they dissect the entangled roots of anger within family dynamics and its echoing effects on relationships, inviting listeners to consider how their own anger patterns may be silently sculpting their paths.
The conversation takes a compelling turn into the exploration of anger's expression through the prisms of culture and gender, especially within the realm of intercultural unions, provoking a deeper contemplation on the universality and individuality of anger.
With a blend of wisdom and compassion, the hosts illuminate the path towards harnessing anger mindfully, advocating for self-compassion, and the power of mindful awareness as tools for not just managing, but truly understanding and transforming anger. They challenge listeners to rethink communication, not only as a bridge over troubled waters but as a conduit for healing and genuine connection.
Concluding with actionable breathwork and emotional regulation strategies, this episode is an invitation to shift from being at war with anger to embracing it as an ally in the journey towards emotional liberation and well-being. Are you ready to explore the alchemy of your anger? Check out the SageSistas.com blog and subscribe in order to join the sisterhood.
Transcript:
And I don't know about you ladies, but it seems like the stars are aligned in a very specific way in these days, where a lot of emotions are very like all over the place. So maybe we can start to get to know each other from the place of like, how, how did anger shape part of your story, you know, and then it's so funny and so ironic how you how you talk about this.
Now we just talked about how our children are completely out of control and they put that Everyone's feeling it. What is it? What do you think? What is it that I think is happening, that emotions are all over the place for some?
Or what exactly? How do we kind of shake ourselves into another level of awakening or consciousness? For me personally, I go through these deep emotional states, they could be whatever, but then usually they're followed by a moment of clarity or I would say evolution.
So this is actually the first time that I walk into my anger, very aware of it and like observing it like I've been for three days, just really feeling like my practices are slightly working. Thank God.
But I'm just observing the space where anger is coming from. I think for me, it's been like, I have not had any space or time where I could express it safely. And now that I'm getting the sense of like new identity as a married woman and this sense of like a new home and a new castle, I'm like, okay, there is safety in expression.
And at the same time, for the first time, I'm addressing my causes for anger as like valid points and not pacifying myself like I apparently used to always do unconsciously, basically responding to my emotions exactly how my parents used to.
And for the first time, I'm like giving myself a chance. I'm like, no, this is a reason to be upset. And, you know, you do have all these other practices to get you out of this funk, but that does not take away the reason.
And that's been liberating. I feel like usually I stay in my rut for a while, but I stayed in my rut for a day and a half this time around. So that's huge for me, you know, like given how long it's taken.
But what about you, ladies? I mean, I also had quite a week in terms of anger started last week, actually, I had two incidents of work. And generally, I started realizing that I'm impulsively angry, like my mom, that she's just like rants of someone who out of nowhere, and it's usually too intense, like it's like, completely thrown out of its comfort zone, it's absolutely inappropriate how she does it, and I always think about how inappropriate she is.
And then I realized I'm doing exactly the same thing last week. And it's the first time I thought that that's not okay. It's totally not okay to, how to say, it doesn't matter what the person kind of fucked up, it's not okay to come at them like out of the bloom, out of nowhere kind of.
And I totally realized that I'm doing it like my mom. Firstly, secondly, I also realized that I'm doing, that I'm reflecting my husband, and we have anger issues like generally with my husband in our marriage.
And so it's like we realized this week that everything he has a problem with, I have a problem with. Like we are reflecting each other one to one. Everything, he was like, we were calm when we talked about it and we were listening to each other and we were so surprised about how is it possible that every problem he's describing I have and how is it possible that every problem I'm describing to him, he has, like with me as well.
So, everything which is happening in our relationship is 100% like, reflected. And so there's also something, everything he feels, I feel, so this is where I need to come from. If I want to address something, if I want to address my anger, if I want to address anything really, I have to come from the place that everything I feel and all this injustice and all the annoyance and all the frustration, he feels too.
And exactly in the same extent, and there's no such thing as his fault or my fault, I mean everything is interconnected, like what is happening. So, so yeah, I am trying to understand how to like navigate anger.
And usually, I also kind of like snapped out of it fast, it took me only like basically, it took us only like kind of like one and a half days as well, like you said. Yeah, to get back because it usually took like, it could take 10 days, we could go, he could stay at the farm, I could stay here, you know, it could take 10 days until we would make up again or two weeks, it took us two weeks to make up in the summer, like a couple times.
So no, no, we kind of made up after one and a half days. And I think everybody, everybody like comes up with lots of lots of homework, I feel this time, like it was the first time I felt like I really like got to him and he really got to me when we were able really to talk.
And, and I think we're going to remarry like on Friday, just us. because because within the fight like in the he kind of divorced me because he was angry and It's never happened before really like that She did I mean maybe very long time ago in the Islamic tradition the husband can just divorce the wife by saying that you were divorced three times So the funny thing is like someone could say that it's like whatever, you know, like Whatever, but I feel it Energetically, you know, I feel divorced.
I feel I feel very divorced and honestly it happened once before and I think that We should have fixed the back end too. Like you have to get married again. I feel and And also I really and it happened by the way on the fifth year anniversary of how we met on our anniversary day so it feels very cosmic to to leave this first marriage full of anger and intercultural attention behind us and try to have another marriage like where we renew our vows and renew our promises to each other and how to say and and hold each other accountable because the first time we got married like in the midst of so much stress and and because I mean we were like we just met we got married six months after we just met so yeah by the way Lyla just got married last week in Cairo this is why I went to Lyla's wedding.
Epic wedding. Thank you thank you. No this is so cool like I was like jotting down some things as you were speaking and you know like when you mentioned that you get angry like your mother or that you saw your mother within you as you observed yourself in anger and it made me think about the first time that any of us saw the anger emotion was in our parents and at a very young age and how profound that image and that style of argument kind of stays in the subconscious mind in a very deep layer without us noticing and yeah I mean I often do observe my mother and my father in me especially in my lower self in moments and it's just I feel like coming to this conclusion and with such clarity it's definitely going to shift you into a new cosmic realm because you're letting go of a very heavy cloak and you're finally aware that you're wearing it you know and the other thing was that in one of the talks I was listening to today by this Buddhist monk and she was speaking about self -compassion uh through ourselves separate from the action right because there is inherent goodness in us even when we're getting so angry and especially in relationships because relationships or like intimate relationships they mimic ourselves and they are in the mirror you know like you attract what you are so this coupling or partnership despite everyone's flaws is exactly the same reflected in the yin and yang or divine like feminine and masculine and through that there needs to be like some self -compassion of the old self the self that showed up to that angry moment and just a reflection on what that self was going through in this moment because you know because of all the inherent goodness in that angry moment that was the best that we could have offered as well and to just kind of have self -compassion towards ourselves as we look at our anger in the eye and think it and kind of want to move on from it.
How do you catch yourself? Like you said, I was able to, how to say, come down after one and a half days. So what did you do in order to do it better than last time? Thank you for asking because I take so much pride in what I did.
Like, I'm like, seriously, like looking at myself in the mirror, I'm like, you are the baddest bitch, you know? But it was like, I was going off on one of my many court lectures that I like to engage in when I'm angry, especially with my partner, where I'm like, I feel like I'm before the court of England proving a point, you know?
So it's like, it's so ridiculous. I'm sure as anyone could witness it, but like after I felt like I gave all my speech, I observed that I was like super loud, super inappropriate. Yes, I was right in everything that I said, but it was like the way it was so like far from what I want recently of myself.
So I immediately retreated to the bathroom and I just like sat there breathing, like vigorously breathing and observing myself, trying to calm myself down. And I just started to look at myself as like, you know, like I am just a chemical reaction right now.
Like right now there's a ton of cortisol in my body and it's my physical responsibility to tone it down. So I just kept on breathing and trying to meditate like it was the hardest thing, but then I was also so proud of myself that this is what I'm showing up to do.
Instead of any of my other ways and my other ways, you know other episodes will talk about how dangerous and harming they are and Then I I washed my face and then I walked to my meditation spot and actually sat in meditation for 10 minutes I was only able to do eight and then thankfully I had a meeting right after and I'm one of those crazy people who can like Compartmentalized I guess this is like a survivor a survival mechanism from childhood So because of the meeting I was just able to snap into things and be super professional just get my thing done After I was done I calmed down and I because I had walked away from the conversation first it was my responsibility to walk into it again and I walked into it with like super, you know compassion and when I heard first from him that He does not disagree with the content of what I said, but the manner was disrespectful.
I totally owned up to it, you know, because I did feel that in myself. And then we kind of took the time to try to tone everything down and like have a conversation where my boundaries are very clear, but then at the same time observing that the emotions that are coming up within me are because these triggers that he's bringing within me are clearly childhood stuff that I gotta work on and it's not his responsibility to face or work on it with me, really.
And just only show the logical side that will get me to the result I want, you know. And yeah, we kind of moved on. That was great. Wow. Very good. Yeah, sounds really powerful actually. He did very well.
One time, let history market. Like imagine the first time I calmed my ass down, I have to record a podcast about it. But this is how you're supposed to celebrate your wins. Yes, absolutely. Because now you know, now you recorded it down.
Now you cannot be full of shit. Now you spread it to the world. Exactly. The whole world will hold me accountable for the next time I get angry. What you said about your parents, I find very interesting because honestly, I think actually if you're not conscious, because we are kind of from just like speaking to people, I feel that people assume they don't need to become like their parents.
But I feel not becoming like your parents is a very, very, very difficult thing. to do. Like it's a very conscious path. You need to go, you need to see through everything what your parents did to you and understand that you want to do it differently.
But if you're not doing that, then you're automatically becoming exactly like your parents. I feel I feel, for example, now I'm looking in my in my environment and especially it happens around 35. I feel like before that you, I feel it's not very clear.
Um, and now suddenly like I passed the 35. So I see my cousins, I see my brother, I see, I see my friends and their parents. Everybody is exactly like their parents. They even look like their parents.
They even get their hair cut like their parents. They even get like, they are so much like their parents. And everybody hates if I say that they're exactly like their parents. Everybody like detests this, but But they're exactly like them, and I think we are exactly like them in everything we do whether it's anger whether it's whether it's Parenting or anything else in fact if we don't consciously change it because we don't know any other way There's no other way like how is it supposed to be different if you didn't don't know anything different Yeah, that's a big problem about anger.
I think that anger that is being learned in childhood Stays and and or like easily stays a method for crisis management and Of course, that's not a good thing and Yeah, so Samira comes from an intercultural marriage like I Yeah, my parents my mother is German my dad is Egyptian and Yeah, they like I was born in East Germany So my mom is from East Germany, and I was born before the war came down So there was not so much cultural exchange in the GDR back then And Knowledge about other cultures There was knowledge of course, but because there are not so many people there from different countries Yeah, I remember when I saw I grew up in Berlin, and I remember I remember the moments when I saw the first Next person I remember that moment there were no no there were no Yeah, no ethnicities everybody was white Exactly like I grew up in a small town outside of Berlin and we were like one family of like maybe two families that had like one foreigner in the family So, yeah, of course coming from a family with different cultural backgrounds can easily spark big problems in terms of how people see marriage and how people see how children should grow up.
And I have to say that the issues that my parents had, I see in almost all the intercultural marriages that are in my like friend circle, like the problems are usually very, very similar and I find that very interesting.
And yeah, coming back to anger, I think it also has a very big cultural aspect actually. I don't know, maybe in Germany, being angry and loud is a bit more accepted or okay. I have no idea, I don't know, I don't know.
I think it's not, I think it's not accepted to be angry at all. I think that's actually a problem of Western society, that it's absolutely taboo, toxic to get angry at all, like it's very inappropriate to get angry.
Like my father, for example, I can not recall the situation my father is screaming my whole life. Which is not necessarily a good thing, because it means that he's not processing certain emotions neither, you know, like it's, anger is a healthy reaction, you're not supposed to suppress it, you're supposed to just have a safe way to get it out and it's not like make other ones, how to say, take others down with you, you are anger, like you're supposed to, I don't know, you're supposed to do exercise as a man, you're supposed to, like how to say, be controlling, controlled about your anger and find a safe way to get it out.
But it's taboo, completely taboo to be angry in the West, and this is why I'm so inappropriate when I'm having these impulsive, weird, angry reactions towards like my co -workers and stuff, because it's absolutely inappropriate to show any anger in the Western society, in my opinion.
I was absolutely shocked when I came to Egypt and you are facing anger everywhere, because it's just such an accepted thing in the society and it's okay, it's okay to be angry a smoke a joint and then relax and then have a coffee and then you're fine, that's fine here, it's not fine in Germany.
I don't know, maybe we'll have a... different experience or I don't know especially about here like but yeah why but tell me how you are perceiving it no I think like something like showing anger outside like especially outside I think is not really seen or perceived as something appropriate here I think but what about those fighting drivers so yeah I think it's on paper what you're saying it's like on paper that it's not okay to be angry in public because I think that's on paper everywhere the case kind of but if you if you compare of how many angry black drivers you see in Berlin fighting and I don't know I had a situation now in Giza where the people got so angry and they were started fighting on top of my car like they in Giza Giza pyramids I went with my mom like and they started like hustling like in front of the car and then they jumped on top of my car and like fought on my car because I because they were fighting whether I should park or not park at the parking lot so so stuff like that it's not come on it's not happening in Berlin like no I don't know I can speak to the the intercultural girl at home also Samira I'm a product of an intercultural marriage and half Egyptian half Puerto Rican both cultures are very spicy loud and obnoxious right and you know given everyone's trauma and how they lived in these years back then obviously there was a lot of anger and generational anger that is passed down and it was so normalized and I actually can speak to what Alyssa saying about anger in Egypt you know growing up in Egypt I would say that anger was very normalized in households it was very normal for for like our household to have a lot of angry moments and loud moments neighbors were the same way you know everyone kind of went through their own thing and then obviously in the street there's a lot of anger and frustration in general and Nick when you speak about the area of Giza like it's a very impoverished area with not to label anything but like a lot of low consciousness and you know like sometimes this expression of anger and a toxic way that traumatizes those around us and kind of Nick doesn't even allow us to make our point clear is a lapse of consciousness for us you know as well and it's like the observing the anger as it rises and its case and why it's there and like honestly anger in my opinion is a clear indication of a boundary being crossed right perhaps in the moment you don't necessarily have the language or the capacity because it's such a deep crossing of the boundary that the amygdala gets hijacked and then you start to behave from your amygdala rather from your prefrontal cortex and in fact the you know the fact that you didn't even know that you had this deep boundary within your body that you clearly feel needs to be respected you know it's an indication of something that has not been addressed by you or hasn't been healed and it's like that moment of observing it rising and as you said communicating it in a way that is not traumatizing is the evolution but that doesn't take away from the fact that all right there's a boundary here that I clearly need to communicate or put forth in order not to have this emotion again you know but often it doesn't even have anything to do with the other one often um in reality nothing really happened I feel and then I mean nothing really happened from the other side but it's like you think that your boundary was crossed because there's there's something you need to figure out with yourself like like um often I have this situation I feel now especially it's really crazy honestly I feel that like difficult always to speak about like an objectivity of reality you know that what actually happens in this situation what did actually happen with the situation you know so sometimes I'm like when I'm managing to speak with Ahmed after a fight like calmly and then he can he explains to me what happened from his perspective you know and I'm like oh my god it's like a completely different movie like it didn't have anything to do with with what I experienced and and then I oh god it must like look so weird from and I completely see see it I see how this could have happened from his perspective when we had we had a story when we went to the hospital because my name was sick and then like he told me like the whole thing from the perspective of what had happened from him side from we had a fight after and then and then of course I knew my story and honestly like I back then it was like two years ago I back then wanted to ready to write a blog post about this crazy story I wanted to even I actually wanted to write a short story two short stories like together his perspective and my perspective and I think the reader would not understand that it's the same story and I feel that it happened so often like this.
So it makes me question objective truth in a way that whether it's even important what happened, you know, whether it's even important what he said, whether it's even important what I thought, because at the end of the day, I think the goal for you is to not get triggered by anything he says.
Like, so, so I think that's the goal, you know, because I feel that I'm just getting triggered by everything literally sometimes and sometimes by none. And I wonder whether it's really up to him, whether it's whether this is something he actually does, you know, or is it just up to me?
It's I think it's up to you because you're in control of your own internal world, you know, and I was speaking to to a super mystic a few days ago, and he said Anything that costs you your inner peace is too expensive.
Yeah. Absolutely. So, so yeah, this is I think also why I resolved it relatively fast. You know, this time I was like, hey, I just have no patience for for this anymore. I like sometimes we let things go to too long and actually we're not doing ourselves a favor.
We're trying to protect their feelings, but by not being completely honest with them. And honestly, like he just cornered me a couple of times where I felt like I had to tell him heart very harsh truths.
And honestly, every time I had a such a relief after and I just kept protecting his feelings, you know, because I don't want to tell him that I'm like very unhappy about certain things. So I don't want to be like this type of person or that type of person.
And when once he's cornered me enough in order to me spit it out at him, basically after that, we are having like a moment of connection. Because he's like, finally, you say what you do. Like finally, like your words correlate with what your actions, you know, you, you, you're resentful and you don't admit it, you know, and but I see this in your energy and I feel it in your actions and I don't understand where's it coming from.
And then I'm like, but I can't, I can't tell him that I, that I hate him. You know, like who says that? And then, you know, I, I screamed it. I screamed it to all the neighbors. I hate my husband at 1 a .m.
in the morning. And honestly, I felt the best in months and it's the same way. The anger has. outlet to get out and sometimes yes sometimes it's true it's not a nice thing to say I'm not proud of it but yes we had a difficult time and he was really annoying and oppressive and and yes I hated him that moment and and honestly what I it completely snapped him out of this movie he was in somehow you know it made him humble and made me able to connect with him because I was telling him truth I wasn't lying I didn't want to hurt him like I just like I really just released a little bit like a little bit like transformational breathwork type of style when you scream scream your anger out you're like you're breathing for a couple minutes you're breathing you're like enriching your system and then you were like screaming it out out loud like this or into the pillow it's really very relieving So it was a bit like that so I feel I'm not making myself a favor by protecting his feelings from harsh truths and Because I'm basically Collecting storing resentment on my side.
I'm not making a favor to my soul I'm abusing my soul by not speaking truth to his soul Does it make sense Yeah, absolutely. I also think that oppressed thoughts and issues actually fuel anger this is actually what's What's really?
Making one maybe cross boundaries and cross lines that are not okay anymore If you if you try for a very long time to address issues, and it's not really Taken seriously or taking the time for or whatever You can't really discuss it or you can't really find conclusion for these things Then I think it's very natural to To become really really angry at some point Yeah, and mainly because you were not able to find the right words to communicate about it You think you did, but he still didn't get it Well, that's of course learning for handing on the situation but But I think that it's like how How even like you try to address something over and over again and the anger is boiling up and boiling up and then finding that moment That light I just described is That's the goal actually to assist keep young take yourself out of the situation and Do your part to not explode to not cross the boundaries because this will not be in favor later also to address them the issue because in the end yeah obviously the finger will be pointed on the angry boundary crossing.
Fair Nafian which is which is necessary and right but this is definitely not a way of really getting getting through to it. Yeah it's funny as I hear this I'm staring at this huge tapestry that I have in my house it's literally the only tapestry that is hanging and it says be a nice human and I'm like staring at it as you're saying this Samira and honestly it's it's true like sometimes the only guiding light is through the difficult conversation as you're about to approach it is be a nice human you know and to as you're expressing everything to make sure that you're as nice of a human as humanly possible and that's the work.
This is where all the meditation and all the breath work leads to because and obviously we have to give ourselves credit because if we kind of reflect on how we were 10 years ago that's definitely not that was not the conversation we were having nor the approach we were having to our arguments but even with our I wouldn't call it failure and we call it consistent practice we eventually are going to get there we're eventually going to get to the moment where we understand that our piece is more important than our point and to kind of like always look after the inner chemistry before we get into anything and you know like when you say that you and your spouse are looking at a situation from a different perspective I often have this thought about you know we're looking from the mirrors of our life experience not really added from an objective view really because the moment that like one person in the rooms just their energy shifts to a heightened state of anger without us even expressing anything the other person is already matching our heart rate variation and they're going to start looking at the moment from their own lens and their own trauma and you know preconceived notions right and we're never really showing up to the table as two conscious humans unless you know unless we actually say hello I'm showing up in a conscious way especially with marriage I feel like marriage triggers every single ounce of you especially all your unhealed Childhood wounds, you know, I feel like at least that has been my experience where it's like all of them come to the table and you know as painful as it is this has been the place where I have done the most growth and the fastest growth because I'm able for a second to say well, you know, yes, what is happening is so messed up, but but and I am especially triggered clearly because something is linked to my history and this is when I start the digging because I say this to myself before I say to anybody if it's hysterical, it's historical and I'm just so interested in this time of my life to find out the history behind what made me the way that I am and Undo it or like untie the brain and Figure out the root of everything because my ultimate goal is to get to that space of consciousness and total samadhi or nirvana, I'm selfish enough to want to get there at some point and I can't if I'm holding on to the heavy weight of my anger at all.
I find it very interesting what you're saying and I find it helped me a lot, especially now in the resolution, to come from a place of soul level, to speak as my soul because I feel like our, especially my intercultural marriage, gender is a very big role and the woman -man dynamics, so if you have, if you can speak, I kind of feel that I were able to connect with him on that level.
I was trying to explain to him that he's oppressing my soul, whether it's woman or man or that his soul doesn't have a gender, so, and then I felt like I was able to detach him from this gender because this gender issue in Egypt is really like, it's deep, you know, it's like very deep.
It's so much deconstruction to do there, goodness, so, so, and it helped me to kind of focus on what is good for my soul and that my soul wants to be free, my soul doesn't want to be oppressed, my soul wants to feel appreciated, I guess, and more than ever I think what's the most important, your soul wants its way, this is what it wants, it has prepared all of these people around you, your spouses, very carefully, every meeting you are having in your life with every person, your soul plans for you, and you have contracts with your spouse, houses, on the soul level, that this is the things which they are going to do to you, and back also.
These are the things you are going to do to them, because your soul wants growth, it wants to awaken, it wants your body and yourself to awaken, and wanting to merge back with the source. So everything that is happening, you chose, you planned very carefully.
This is also something which is difficult for me, I really needed to implement this, because when something awful is happening, I am thinking, okay, I want this, I wanted this, so this is supposed to make me grow somehow.
So then I am trying not to cry too many rivers, you know, over stuff which I have no control over, kind of, and so yeah. I think if you surrender to the past in a way that this is how the flow goes, this is how the story for you unfolds, you are the player in your own movie, and you just don't resist it too much, you know, like you just don't resist the flow, because that's the pain actually, that you're resisting of what is, what, what is happening.
And, and I think then it's very far, I felt it was much faster to resolve the anger, because then you, as soon as you're like, sane again, I can't, I mean, I used to be able to hold on for it, to anger for a week.
Now I just can't hold on to it so long anymore, because anger is, it's good for survival, short, for a short amount of time, like it's, does its job, you're supposed to be alert, you're supposed to fight, you're supposed to, because this is what, I mean, at the end of the day, we're animals, our, our bodies, they behave like animals.
So fight or flight, yes, I'm angry, that's good, but you're not supposed to be angry for two weeks after that, it's bad for your system, it's too many, too many hormones, which are, which are detrimental, it's bad, it makes you sick to be angry all the time.
But sometimes, yes. So yeah, I unpack quite some things here. No, I agree with, you know, with anger, getting a sick, because actually, as I was lastly angry, after speaking my last truth, I started to get sick, and I started to feel a blockage that was very clear around my throat chakra, and one of the wins was that I just kept on doing, like, an alunzillum, or like alternate nostril breathing, because it's just, it's because it's the type of breathing that brings your blood back to alkaline and anger makes our blood very acidic with this insane release of cortisol and also because anger makes us breathe very shallow and in our chest area which also makes the exchange of carbon dioxide and oxygen not really optimal which makes our blood even more acidic and in the acidic environment is where germs and bacteria can grow and this is kind of like the train that we go on from the moment that we release in such a way but it does have a huge impact and as I reflect on many sick people in my life I can recognize where anger had some role to play in that coming about you know from the simple information that I had in my throat the other day all the way to cancer, you know.
And it really does all start with the inner alchemy. And the inner alchemy is the responsibility here, you know. That's so interesting. I never heard about it that, I mean, I understand, but I've never heard about it that your emotions change the composition of your blood.
It's very exciting. It changes the blood's pH, which is so cool and so bad at the same time. But I remember hearing one of my teachers say that if we had the sixth sense or the ability to observe the taste of our blood in different emotions, we would never shift from like immediate peace.
And that was so interesting, yeah. That's exciting. Can you maybe, to wrap up our wonderful interesting episode about anger, maybe you could give us some practical breathing tips because Laila is a breathwork teacher.
Yeah, wow, it sounds exciting. Some breathing exercises which you would recommend for us doing when we are in a tense stress situation. How can we like maybe, also for our partners maybe. This is a hard one, I don't know, it took me like you need a guru for this one.
No, of course. So this is obviously, you know, like something that can be done before, during or after. And it's basically a way to activate our parasympathetic nervous system more than the sympathetic nervous system, because anger only happens when the sympathetic is stimulated.
So we want to take the stimulation away from the system and move it to the parasympathetic. And it's super easy. All we have to do is our exhales have to be double the length of our inhales. And our breathing, as always, should be done through the nose unless otherwise instructed.
So actually, I'm going to demonstrate it for a few breaths, and we can all do it together, and anyone who's listening can also do it. And you can do this technique for however short or long, but just bring the awareness to doing it.
You're automatically activating the parasympathetic, which is automatically kind of like reconnecting the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex again to bring logic into the room. So all you have to do is just observe your body completely and begin to inhale through the nostrils for one, two, three, four.
Hold in the breath for one, two, and then exhale through the nostrils for one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One more time. Inhale through the nostrils. One, two, three, four. Hold. One, two, and exhale.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and eight. And just the slower the exhale that you're able to come up with, the faster you can alchemize yourself back to your inner state of being. And hopefully, hopefully, if we do more of this specific practice throughout the day, we stay within the parasympathetic.
So even when the trigger comes, we are not reactive as we usually would be because we're in a different calm state of mind to begin with. But yeah, that's as easy as it is. Thank you. Thank you so much for these exercises.
Yeah, thanks for sharing. Thank you, ladies. This was so fun. It was. Thank you. Have a nice day. You too. And I will see you maybe soon. Have a good day. Bye. Bye.